True strength comes from vulnerability: Samir Mourani talks modern masculinity
On finding Movember at the right time
Movember panelist and Gents Talk Podcast host, Samir Mourani first heard about Movember in high school. Back then, Movember seemed like something people did once a year for a bit of fun, but recently his knowledge of Movember has expanded. In 2020, Samir and his wife broke up on the heels of the pandemic. “I did the only thing I had ever known to do, which was bury the emotions and try to distract myself. I took a page out of the playbook that every guy was following. It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I fully understood – this version of masculinity was just not working for me.”
The only way out was through it, and I realized I had to actually work through the pain, through the emotions, and learn to understand them. It was a very long journey, one that I’m still on because it doesn’t ever really end. I started to understand that the version of masculinity that I grew up with, that my father grew up with, that my friends grew up with – is a very unhealthy version of it. So, when Movember suggested I host a panel conversation around masculinity, I immediately said yes. I’ve dedicated the last five years of my life to understanding masculinity to becoming a better version of myself, for myself, but also for my friends and loved ones.
Starting Gents Talk podcast
The lowest point of my life, the most painful moment of my life, was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The goal is to get a little more proactive, not just reactive, so when someone makes a brash decision because of an addiction or a challenge, instead of resorting to violence or crime, they have another outlet. In this process, I’m thinking, how do we get more proactive? That’s when I decided to launch the podcast, because I knew that I wasn’t the only guy that felt that way. I think men are ultimately looking for permission, we just want to know that it’s safe for us to have conversations where we’re not in fear of being laughed at. When I launched the podcast, it was a shot in the dark, and then it just took off from there. Two and a half years later, we’re in the top 5% of podcasts globally on Spotify, and we have a partnership with Air Canada – where every episode is available to their passengers. Our masculinities panel with Movember is also going to be available on all Air Canada flights in early 2025.
Redefining personal success and letting go of comparison
I get caught up in it all the time. When we launch episodes of Gent’s Talk on Mondays, without fail, I’m hitting refresh to see the number of views and comments. Then I’ll go look at other podcasters, even podcasters who aren’t in the same space as me and see how they’re doing. If our episode isn’t doing as well as the other shows, I immediately feel down. I tell myself that the podcast is failing, and I immediately forget about all our wins. The global rank, the Air Canada partnership, the collaboration with Movember, because in that moment, all I can see is the tunnel that I’m in. In this tunnel, the only way out is more followers, more views, more likes, more fake validation. I remember finding a moment of clarity after the Movember panel. There were 150 people in that room, who we’re having an authentic conversation with – that’s real impact, that’s real engagement. When I compare how I’d feel if our video got 150 views – I’d think that was nothing, but when you think about the real impact you can have with a room full of active participants it puts things into perspective.
The next generation of men
I’m a firm believer that it’s easier to teach young men than it is to heal broken men. If you can show the next generation of men how to open up about these things, they’ll make different life decisions. They’ll choose not to find a numbing agent via alcohol or drugs, they’ll choose to speak their mind and speak out on something that’s upsetting them and bothering them versus resorting to violence and aggression. Having resources available that normalize having important conversations is so crucial. It’s reassuring to men that this doesn’t take away from your masculinity. I promise, you can still call yourself a man right after you say to someone, I’m not okay.
It's okay to not be okay
I don’t think there’s one solution. I don’t believe that there is one piece of advice that will just automatically fit for everyone. The first step is to become self-aware of what you’re feeling and then do your best to understand why. Once you understand the why, you can isolate one thing and then figure out a plan. You can learn to accept it, cope with it, or decide to take action, but there’s no one size fits all approach. One thing that really worked for me was seeing and hearing another man talk openly about his mental health challenges.
An appetite for healthy conversation around masculinity
It’s refreshing when an organization decides to have these conversations out in the open - where you can see the appetite and the thirst for it. It’s invigorating when you see the looks on people’s faces, the nods, and the silent affirmations. Even people that I didn’t know were posting on LinkedIn and Instagram saying how amazing it was to be in a room discussing this topic. One panel is not enough, but it ignites hope and sends a message in the right direction. If one or two guys from the audience take that information and then try having a conversation with a partner, or a buddy, it can have a ripple effect. The impact is so powerful because you can change the narrative around these things.
Packaging and delivering information intentionally
If we think of how we frame these conversations and think of the packaging as a gift – every piece is important. The wrapping paper that you use, the type of bow, the coloring, all these things matter in the way you deliver a message to most men – because you want to speak to them in a way that they’ll understand, and when you lead with vulnerability it eases the initial impact. I had a really tough time during the pandemic, and I don’t believe I was the only man who struggled. As a man, I felt like I wasn’t allowed to talk about anything, and I’m just trying to basically be a better version of myself. The messaging and the way it is delivered is so important because you can either turn off a whole bunch of men or you can intrigue them enough to start a conversation.
The hope for modern masculinity
I would hope for a society where men can embrace the fact that they feel things and that it’s human. Tears are not a masculine or feminine thing. It’s your body’s way of releasing stress hormones and toxins from your system – it’s the body’s natural defense mechanism to pain. I would hope for a state where men don’t ever feel like the only outlet is taking their own lives. I would hope that from a young age, men are taught that it's okay to not be okay, and that true strength comes through vulnerability and that word does not equal weakness.
There’s still more to be done. I hope that when someone listens to the panel episode that they understand that this is just part one of an ongoing conversation. There’s so much work that needs to be done globally. There can’t be an expectation of, “Movember is doing it, I’m just going to let them take it on.” I hold a responsibility, to my father, to myself, to my friends, and the next generation of men. We all share that burden.
Listen to the special episode of Gents Talk Podcast.