Day Five Update

Woke up to two incredible pieces of news:

1- 'mo is at a point where I feel comfortable sharing my progress. Still looks horrible, but starting to resemble at least the idea of a moustache. Photo in profile.

2- Moustachioed-pitcher Shane Bieber has decided to exercise his $16mm player option, and will be staying with the Jays through the 2026 season, which got me thinking about ranking (from worst to best) the 7 most important Blue Jays moustaches of all time. So I'm proud to present:

The 7 ​Most Important Blue Jays Moustaches of All Time Ranked From Worst to Best

​7. Tim Johnson
​A truly greasy, ill-fitting shadow. It's exactly the kind of untrustworthy 'stache you'd expect from a man who'd lie about his time in Vietnam. Pure, low-grade villainy.

​6. Sean Reid-Foley
​His mustache is tragically underwhelming, failing to rise above replacement level, much like his career WAR of -0.1. A classic mid-2010s draft bust.

​5. Cito Gaston
​The sturdy, trustworthy lip broom. The definition of managerial gravitas.

​4. Davis Schneider
​He’s keeping the Blue Jays' glorious moustache tradition alive for the next generation. A modern, nostalgic triumph and instant fan favourite.

​3. George Bell
​A Silver Slugger-winning, MVP-calibre thicket of excellence. Arguably more intimidating than his batting stance.

​2. Dave Stieb
​He titled his autobiography Tomorrow I'll Be Perfect, but his 'stache is perfect today. A hard-nosed ace broom.

​1. Rance Mulliniks
​The undisputed GOAT. Rance walked so Davis could run. The greatest upper-lip artistry in Jays history.

DAY 3 UPDATE:

Woke up to an unbelievable 5 total donations in a single day; I'm consistently blown away by the generosity of my friends and coworkers.

Good news from day 3: If I squint just right, I can kinda map out the stubbly outline of my pending moustache. This must be how Michaelangelo felt creating David - as the statue is in the stone, the moustache is beneath the skin, waiting to be revealed. It is the fates who control my moustachioed destiny, not the artist.

Bad news from day 3: Still struggling to feel comfortable with the whole beardless-hairless look. Spent a good portion of Sunday frustrated by blank stares after repeatedly asking my 6 year old if I was not turtley enough for the Turtle club. Thought way too long and seriously about how growing a moustache is similar to Michaelangelo creating David.

Really need this moustache to show up soon.